


A Penny For Your Thoughts (That And More I'd Pay)

by HippieGeekGirl



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M, Relationship Discussions, Resolution, Separation, this is basically the conversation I wish they'd have in canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 11:52:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7221310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HippieGeekGirl/pseuds/HippieGeekGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vox Machina takes some time to regroup in Whitestone, and Vax has some things he needs to tell Gilmore. </p>
<p>Takes place at an undefined point post-episode 56.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Penny For Your Thoughts (That And More I'd Pay)

Vex was waiting for her brother as he emerged from the Raven Queen’s temple. He'd tried to keep her away, insisting that even that was too close, but she'd refused to let him leave her behind. Pike and Keyleth trailed after him, giving him space as he sat on the steps next to her. Trinket greeted him with a soft grunt as he reflexively reached up to scratch behind the bear's ears. 

He looked different. There was still a deep undercurrent of worry and sadness in his eyes and in the way he carried himself, but he seemed somewhat more settled. A little bit less afraid. They sat together in silence for a moment before she finally spoke.

“What happened in there?”

“I don't know if I can tell you. At least not yet.” He sighed, nodding to the others as they took their leave. They'd meet back at the guild hall. “I think things might be leaning toward being okay. At least with this.”

“Told you they would be.” She nudged him with her shoulder before pulling him into a hug. “We should go back to Whitestone and regroup. We haven't seen Gilmore in a while, he could probably help us decide what to do next.”

Vax blinked at the unexpected mention of their friend and confidant. He'd been in such a dark place the last time they'd been in Whitestone - they all had, in a way - and he hadn't wanted to burden Gilmore with that while he was still recovering. Though to be completely honest, there were other reasons he'd stayed away.

“I miss him,” he finally admitted.

“I know.” She stood, taking his hand as he followed. “Let's go find the others.”

 

The journey was brief thanks to the tree teleporting spell, and the city was mercifully still standing when they arrived. No one had really expected otherwise since Keyleth would have known if her connection to the Sun Tree had been severed, but the knowledge of just how _easy_ it would be for the dragons to strike out in retaliation made Vax's blood run cold. They stood together collecting their thoughts for a few moments before Percy excused himself to go talk to his sister.

After a few inquiries, Vax found Gilmore in the city's makeshift infirmary. Though he no longer needed healing himself, it had felt right to help as much as he could with Pike’s guidance. He'd simply continued to do so after she'd returned to her family. Vax watched him for a few moments until he caught sight of him. 

“Vax'ildan.” There was weariness in his voice that hadn't been there before, but his joy and relief was plain to see. “I was wondering when we'd meet again.”

“Yeah… been a bit busy.” He found a seat on the nearest available cot, trying to fight off the wave of guilt that gripped his heart.

“So I've heard.” Vax looked up to see Gilmore watching him with the same expression he had when he examined unknown magical items. “The news from Westruun managed to reach us here.”

“Really? This far north?” He looked down again. “I didn't realize we were gone that long.”

Gilmore sat next to him, reaching out to hold his hand lightly. “I’d like to hear how it happened, if you're able to tell me.”

So he did. The afternoon began to darken into evening as Vax told the story of their victories as briefly as he could, starting with the fight against Kevdak and ending with Grog’s final jaw-splitting strike against Umbrasyl. Gilmore mostly stayed quiet, except when Vax described the attempt to slay the dragon from the inside.

“That might be the worst idea I've ever heard.” He couldn't help a quiet chuckle, knowing that his dear friends had managed to pull their way out of yet another situation that by all rights should have killed them. “Even in the best of circumstances, it would never have worked.”

“Well I know that _now_ ,” Vax huffed, taking the light scolding in the good-natured spirit that had been intended. “Live and learn, right?”

“Just as long as you live.”

The pause that followed said as much as any words could. He squeezed Gilmore's hand tighter, lacing their fingers together. “How have you been doing?”

“Physically? Fine. Almost back to full strength. Emotionally, I'm… coping.”

Something inside Vax broke at the last word. He pulled the man into a tight hug, just holding him close for a long moment. He suddenly recalled a moment in the underground bunker, after Pike had healed Gilmore but before he'd woken. He'd wanted so badly to just hold onto him and never let go.

“Everything's changing, faster than any of us could have imagined. I think we're all slowly figuring out what's really important to us.” His voice was muffled against Gilmore's shoulder. “I need you to understand that what I said before, about us… it wasn't because I don't love you.” His voice broke slightly as he tried to force the words past the lump in his throat. “It was _never_ because of that.”

There was a shift as Gilmore wrapped his arms around him, returning the embrace fully. “You've done nothing wrong. You found yourself at a crossroads and chose a path. There's no fault in that.”

“I shouldn't have kissed you.”

“Why not?” There was no recrimination or hurt in the question, just simple curiosity.

“I should have done it sooner… when it might have had a chance to lead somewhere.” He hadn't meant to be cruel, he just couldn't bear the thought of leaving him without knowing how it felt. “You were right, it was a tease. And it wasn't fair.”

“To be honest, I'm glad you did it. And I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.” Vax felt a light kiss brush against his temple and looked up at him, seeing the same warmth and compassion he'd come to rely on. “Do try to remember that the next time you recklessly throw yourself into danger.”

He laughed softly, the sound almost discordant in the lingering stillness. “I've thought about you a lot, actually.”

There was another moment of calm. “My mother used to say that as long as there are people in the world who love you, you're never truly alone.”

At another point in his journey Vax might have disagreed with that, but he found himself wanting to hold onto hope instead. He felt like he could now. “She sounds like a wise woman.”

“She was.” He pulled back, eyes bright. “It's a bit stuffy in here. Care to take a walk with me?”

“Of course.” He took Gilmore's hand again as they stood. “We were hoping to ask for your advice.”

Unburdened, they fell into their usual back-and-forth conversational pattern as they left the room together.


End file.
